Originally posted on my private blog on June 12, 2010
I'm in the 'calm before the storm' phase of this Josh stuff. Not that everything is OK, but it's at least calm around here. Josh sees the doctor Monday to learn how to step off of his medications. Once that process begins, it's quite likely things will get stormy around here again.
Since we've returned from vacation, Josh has spent a small amount of time with his few friends, but most of his time is spent in his room, watching movies. He's lonely and depressed. I engage him in conversation, take him out to dinner, etc., but our conversations aren't all that interesting or stimulating. He's pleasant, occasionally even cheerful, has helped out around the house doing dishes, mowing grass, taking out garbage, etc., but mostly he's just 'down'.
His Dad came over one day this week and took him out to lunch and they talked on the porch for several hours, which was good for Josh.
Speaking of his Father, something strange happened on our vacation. Josh and I were sitting in a restaurant eating, when suddenly Josh look behind me, over my shoulder with a huge smile on his face and said, "OMG! What are YOU doing here?!"
I turned around and there was a guy standing there, "Hi Melody!"
I had NO IDEA who it was. So I looked back and forth between Josh and this guy, who said, "You don't know who I am, do you?"
"No?"
Josh said, "That's Dad's Brother, Joey."
I haven't seen Joey in close to twenty years. He's probably fifteen years younger than my ex and I.
Anyway, we exchanged pleasantries, he was just finishing dinner with his wife and son and I asked him to bring them by our table before they left, which he did. They made noise about wanting to see us again during our stay, but I kind of pushed that aside and we said our good-byes.
In my last post I talked about another strange encounter that Josh and I had while driving home from vacation, at a rest stop, and my feelings that that encounter was not just coincidental.
While driving home from vacation, after that encounter at the rest stop, I was thinking about coincidences, about my belief that there really are few true coincidences in life. For instance, we run into an old, old friend in the grocery and chat for a few minutes, say goodbye, and walk away thinking, "Well, that was nice to see Susie again." But perhaps there was a reason that we ran into Susie. Maybe Susie needs us in her life, or it's possible that we need Susie in our life, we just don't know it. I just wonder how many times opportunities that have been put in our path are 'missed', simply because we're not paying attention, not open to the moment.
So I was thinking about all that and it occurred to me that running into Joey, who lives 45 minutes away from us back home....on this island, eating in the exact same restaurant as us, at the exact same time, is a pretty HUGE coincidence. I started wondering if I had 'missed' an opportunity, maybe I was supposed to entertain their offers of seeing us again for SOME reason. Maybe Josh NEEDS Joey in his life right now?!
Skip forward a couple days after we're home from vacation, and Josh is at loose ends, bored, depressed and lonely.
"Maybe you should go see your Dad tomorrow."
"Well, I don't have money to go see Dad."
"You mean gas money? Well honey, I'll give you gas money so you can visit him."
"Well, it's not just that, Dad's not living at his house anymore."
"What?! Where's he living? What happened?"
"He and Dee are getting a divorce, he's moved out. He's living with Joey."
Well, this made me very sad for Jerry. His life was already the shits. He's unemployed and has been off and on for several years now. According to Josh they're on Food Stamps. I know from recent discussions with Jerry that financially things are very bad for him. And now this.
So, over the next day or so I started thinking about Jerry living at Joey's AND us running into Joey on vacation, which is a HUGE coincidence, and I began to wonder if THAT was what was supposed to come out of us running into Joey, the information that Jerry was living with him. But because I wasn't paying attention, ANOTHER opportunity was placed before me to get that information through a discussion with Josh... and what the hell was I supposed to DO with that information. Why was knowing that Jerry was living at Joey's germane to my life in anyway?!
I continued to ponder it all and I began to think about the possibility of Jerry living with us. Josh could use the company while I'm at work, and I could use the support of having someone here to share the burden of all this. The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. Jerry and Josh get along very well, in spite of Josh's feelings about how his Dad has let him down in the past. This extra time together could do wonders for their relationship and Jerry could do some of the things around here that need done, like painting and repairs.
I called Jerry and discussed it with him and we both agreed to give the idea careful consideration.
Now, if two months ago you told me that I would EVER consider having my ex live with me, I would have told you that YOU need to be in a Psych Ward more than Josh did, but never before have I been through anything CLOSE to what the last six weeks have been like and I'm struggling on a daily basis with just holding myself together for Josh. In the end, I'd probably be able to convince myself that Osama Bin Laden could pitch in around here.
As I was carefully considering the whole thing though, it occurred to me that Jordan may take issue with the plan. He has NO USE for his Father, and if his Father was living here, that would limit OUR relationship and I'm not willing to go that far in an attempt to give Josh some much needed company and myself some much needed relief. Not to mention, neither of us know how Josh would feel about having his Father living here.
I think I'll speak to Jerry again because I think a better solution would be for me to 'hire' him to do specific things around here, thereby putting him here with Josh everyday, but not living with us. This would probably seem more 'normal' to Josh, wouldn't likely offend Jordan in any way AND the goals of his presence are met. I could pay Jerry (even though he owes me a small fortune in back child support and medical bills) so that he would have money for gas to travel back and forth everyday.
So we'll see.
As an interesting side note, when I approached Jerry I said, "Josh tells me that you're living with Joey, is that true?"
"Yes, I moved in the day before they left for vacation, but it still seemed so bizarre to me that you guys ran into him there."
"Well, I'm not trying to pry, but I have a reason for asking, a reason related to Josh, what happened, is there any hope for reconciliation?"
"Well, no, I'm pretty sure this is it. She's just decided she wants a divorce, for no real reason in particular, you know she's moved out twice in the last year and half. She's just...well Melody, she just makes really bad decisions."
"Is she drinking again?" (She was a recovering alcoholic AND she tried to commit suicide about the same time Josh did, so obviously she has some issues with depression as well.)
"No, but I'm sure she's headed back in that direction."
"Huh, God Jerry, she sounds Bipolar, that's exactly what so many Bipolar people do...quit their jobs, get divorces, decide to move to Burma, shit like that. They don't make good decisions."
(Another Side note: You know how when you're considering buying a certain car, you begin seeing them EVERYWHERE, where in the past you never noticed them? I fear I'm getting that way about Bipolar. It's like "I see dead people" only now it's like "I see Bipolar people" I'm just sayin')
"Well, funny you should say that because that is exactly what her mother thinks is wrong with her."
(It occurs to me that we have far too many names that begin with 'J' in this blog.)
1 comment:
Coincidences all over the place. It is true that you never know when something happens what it actually means. I understand the projection of ooh they are bipolar or they are borderline. It is way too easy to do it. We all have certain tendencies though and make bad decisions. Thanks for the post.
Yes there are quite a bit of J's.
www.findingonespath.blogspot.com
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