Josh Comes Home

Originally posted to my private blog on May 4, 2010

As experiences go, having your child in a Psychiatric Hospital has not been the best.

Because the unit he is on does not allow visitation, I've had to gauge his condition via phone calls between us. And his mood has been all over the place.

The only information I have been able to get has been from the nurses (limited) or from Josh himself, and he's not been forthcoming with much information.

I was told that the doctors on the unit RARELY make phone calls to family members.

So you have a loved one suffering from a mental disorder and you can find out NOTHING about what is being done for him, how he is responding to treatment and no one can answer the many questions you have.

I am frustrated.

Josh is frustrated.

And more than ready to come home.

Last night when I talked to him he was in a very 'crabby' mood.

His complaints were:

"I trusted you and look what you did to me by talking me into signing myself into this place.

"It's like being in prison, do you know what that's like Mom?"

"I'm having terrible mood swings, have you ever had mood swings Mom, it's awful."

"They don't really care about information around here Mom. No one really cares."

"I feel like shit now, I felt much better the day I came in here, at least I was happy...euphoric!"

So that's the child I'm picking up today.

I'm sure he's more than ready to get home, but I have no idea what life is going to be like. Early in his stay he was on board with NEVER being in a manic state again; would do whatever it took to avoid it.

Today I'm not sure if he really WILL stay on track with medication and lifestyle choices that he needs to be on track with.

I'm scared. I've tried very hard to remain positive and hopeful, but today and tomorrow are full of unknowns.

I've read until my eyes blurred gathering information on the subject of bipolar disorder and how to help as a caregiver.

In all I've read, I keep uncovering information regarding thyroid conditions often being misdiagnosed as bipolar. Articles I've read state that BEFORE medication is started, all underlying biological causes need to be addressed. It seems that if a thyroid condition is identified, IT needs to be treated first, because medications for bipolar disorder can mask symptoms.

I could get no one at the hospital to discuss this with me. They tested Josh upon admittance, his thyroid levels were extremely high and he has most of the classic symptoms of the disease. They began bipolar medications and two days later retested his thyroid and all levels came back normal

Their diagnosis? No thyroid problems. Bipolar.

They are sending all of Josh's test results home with him and my hope is that he will agree to see an endocrinologist to determine whether or not his thyroid is overactive.

All I know for sure is that I'll be there for Josh anyway that I can, I only hope he'll make the best choices for himself.