Not much new to report where Josh is concerned. He continues to be 'fine'.
He got all of his student aid issues resolved and has enrolled for fall classes. His grant money and student aid is conditional on him not failing any classes or getting any withdrawls or incompletes.
He is only taking three classes and his classes will be on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, they all begin at 12:30. This schedule should work well for him since he won't have to drive either direction during rush hour traffic and he can sleep in which is the schedule he prefers.
Right now his sleep schedule is completely topsy turvy. He goes to bed between 4-6 AM and sleeps until 3 PM or so. I pointed out that not only is his schedule upside down (which won't work once school starts), but he is also sleeping 12 hours some days.
"You know Josh, people who are depressed tend to sleep too much, you need to check yourself to make sure you don't feel like you're slipping into a depression."
"I think I'm fine, I'm not sad or having any dark thoughts or anything."
"OK, but you need to monitor that because now would be the time to address it so that you will be ready when school starts."
He has been very slow to address his job situation. He has typically been working less than ten hours a week and this week, they didn't schedule him at all. In light of that, he has submitted some applications online, but his money situation has now become dire. Last week his car battery died and instead of giving him or loaning him the money to buy a new battery, I let him figure it out on his own, my thinking being that a new battery would take most of his available cash and he would FINALLY feel a need to act on the job thing. That seems to have had the desired effect.
He went without a car most of the week until he got his paycheck. He jumped his car and drove and bought a new battery.
In general he has been very pleasant. Often he'll do dishes or other household tasks before I can even mention them to him. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like he's tearin' it up around here, but I see improvement in that area.
He also agreed to clean the house every Friday in lieu of paying me rent and he has done a pretty good job with that. Sometimes he won't get everything finished on Friday, so he finishes up on Saturday, but he's at least doing it with a smile on his face.
He still spends too much time alone, but also sees his 'good' friends fairly often. They will all be returning to college soon, but so will he AND I hope he has a new job as well. School and work will fill a lot of his time and force him to get on a more normal schedule.
I feel pretty comfortable about his return to school. There is no way to know what might happen as the school year progresses. It's quite possible that Bipolar symptoms will appear and I can only pray that if they do, he will address them properly. I think not moving forward with school plans would be detrimental to him at this point, he needs the routine that school provides and to feel like his life is moving forward after having it all derail so badly during the last year.
He would like to think he's not Bipolar, but I'm not convinced he isn't. I expect there to be further issues down the road and it is impossible to say that if he's in a Bipolar state of mind will he still 'see' the need for medication. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
It's very hard feeling like we are sitting on a time bomb, just waiting for it to explode, but that's what we're doing. There is very little that we can do to prepare for that eventuality. Josh isn't willing to discuss the possibilities very much, about the only thing we've agreed upon is to seek his therapists help if things go tits up.
I have missed the last several DBSA meetings due to other obligations, and I won't be able to attend tonight either, but hope to go back next week. It is very hard to sit in those meetings and listen to other people's horror stories when Josh is doing so well. It feels a bit like what survivor guilt must feel like. It's nice to know that the group is there though because I have a feeling I'll be needing their support again in the future.
Josh is doing well, but that doesn't mean he's 100% where he needs to be. I'm watching him closely, there is no part of me that feels like we're out of the woods or anything. I'm just trying very hard to enjoy this respite; I'm getting a lot done around the house and enjoying time with my friends etc.
Basically, I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall.
Showing posts with label Sleep/Eat/Exercise. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sleep/Eat/Exercise. Show all posts
Monday, July 19, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Knowledge is Power
When Josh landed in the hospital and the man who had evaluated him opened his mouth and said, "Your son is in a mild manic state and from his history, it's clear that he has Bipolar Disorder," I was too exhausted and frightened to fully get the gravity of the diagnosis.
Oh, I knew it was bad.
I remember standing and talking with a teacher on Field Day when Jordan was in Elementary School. For some reason, this woman shared with me the story of her son, who was what was then called Manic-Depressive. Unfortunately, it was a fairly typical story of a young man who struggled against the Disorder and lost his battle with it at the age of 24 by killing himself.
I can remember so clearly having the sensation of this woman's pain pouring over me in waves.
So, I knew it was bad.
But I really knew nothing at all.
I now know more than I ever wanted to know about this Disorder, and I'm pretty sure I'll never stop learning.
The internet is a both a blessing and a curse when researching something of this nature. There is a wealth of useful information to be had and what you read there can scare the holy crap out of you.
I visited message boards and forums and the stories I read kept me awake at night, it seemed like everyone was so badly affected by Bipolar. What I quickly realized though is that the people who are posting on message boards fall into one of maybe three categories.
1. People like myself who are new to the Disorder and are seeking help.
2. People who are struggling with the disorder and are seeking help.
3. People who have the disorder and have no intention of addressing it properly, but want to whine.
The fact of the matter is, that for the most part, people who are struggling post on message boards. People who have control over the disorder and are living perfectly normal lives, thankyouverymuch, are out living their perfectly normal lives and not posting messages on boards and forums.
So keep that in mind when you are searching for information. Don't be discouraged by the dearth of happily ever after you read there.
While searching for information about various medications, there are horror stories aplenty too. Because these drugs affect everyone so differently, it can be disheartening to read about other's experiences with side effects and withdrawal symptoms. It is beyond alarming what some people have been through on the journey for the right combination of medications.
It didn't take me long to decide that I needed a book. A good book. A simple, but thorough book, and so I headed to Borders.
I came home with a book that I felt was appropriate to the situation, "Bipolar For Dummies", because I definitely qualified as a Dummy on the subject.
As a starter book, I would highly recommend this one. It covers all aspects of the Disorder and has a section for Caretakers. It is very technical in explaining the Disorder and I completely understood what "happens" in the Bipolar Brain. Granted, I couldn't explain it to anyone else if my life depended on it, but I understood it as I read it.
The book was copyrighted several years ago, so the information may not be the most up-to-date, but I still think it provides a good jumping off point in the quest for Knowledge.
Next I contacted the local chapter of The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance: DBSA and I began attending Support Group meetings.
This was a difficult step for me to take, and I hate to admit it, but it took me several weeks to make that call. And another week to actually attend a meeting. It seemed like stepping across that threshold was me acknowledging the reality of Josh's illness.
Yes, even parents have to work through denial.
If you're faced with a diagnosis of Bipolar, get over your denial quicker than I did, because the help and support you will find at DBSA will be invaluable to you. I actually look forward to our Monday night meetings.
Once I'd armed myself with knowledge and support, I realized that I didn't have a clue how to actually deal with my son on a day to day basis.
All of a sudden this son of mine was completely unfamiliar to me. He was unstable when he came home from the hospital, and while the medications had brought him down from his high, his disordered and occasional delusional thought processes were something totally new to me. I had no idea how to communicate with him.
At a time when I REALLY needed to be able to communicate with him effectively.
Josh displayed HORRIBLE rages when he came home, all directed at me. Anything was liable to set him off. One day he was sitting in my office talking to me and a bird flew by my office window. In a natural response to peripheral movement, I shifted my eyes to the window. Josh jumped up, pounded his fist in the middle of my desk hard enough to make things on it jump, and screamed at me, "Pay attention when I talk to you!" Clearly I'd done nothing 'wrong', but in his mind I was Satan incarnate sent up from the bowels of hell with the express purpose of infuriating him. His rages could have been induced by the medication, irritability IS one of the lovely attibutes of Bipolar Disorder, but some medications ramp it up a notch, to one notch just below homicidal.
So I learned. Slowly. Over WEEKS.
The problem was that everyday, a different version of Josh climbed out of bed. What worked yesterday in that mood, inflamed him today in this mood.
I'll save anyone out there who is dealing with a newly diagnosed Bipolar person some time and tell you a little secret. No matter what, stay calm and agree with everything they say.
OK, so I hate to admit this too, but early on I would make matters worse by arguing with Josh and occasionally I got downright mad at him.
Who wouldn't? Seriously?!
It takes time to realize that this person in front of you HAS NO CONCEPT OF WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
Oh, you know it on an intellectual level, but it takes real effort to remember that in the heat of a very violent moment.
The truth is that stress is one of the worst things for a Bipolar person. Stress builds and builds and builds inside them, and can send them directly into a manic state; do not pass go, do not collect your Seroquel.
So for days, maybe even weeks *shudders* I made matters worse for Josh, and myself, but I learned. Eventually I learned.
I learned to agree with anything he said, "Yes, I'm the most horrible parent in the world, I don't know how you've lived with me all these years, and yes, I need therapy and probably a parenting class or two."
But the biggest thing I learned was to let go and let God.
And God seems to be doing a pretty good job of handling this, because yesterday? JOSH climbed out of bed. My Josh. The one I knew before that awful man in the hospital uttered those words, the one I knew before depression settled over him like an early morning fog, the one who used to be happy and surrounded by friends, rushing here and there, living a busy, fulfilling life.
It seems the medication has quickly worked its way out of Josh's system and, where he was slow and foggy, he's sharp and bright. Where he was sad and desolate, he's happy and hopeful. He's not the slightest bit manic and his thought processes seem to be in good working order.
Today while I was out of town, Josh went out to play baseball with two of his OLD friends. You know, the friends HE pushed out of his life way back there when he was depressed and on the way to suicidal. And as I type this, one of those friends is in his room with him, doing what they used to do...play a video game.
The most difficult lesson I've learned though is that tomorrow is a complete unknown with this Disorder, especially at the stage of acceptance that we are in.
We aren't treating the Disorder at all at this point, although Josh is being very careful about his sleep schedule, because for him and many who suffer with Bipolar, sleep deprivation is a one way ticket to Mania City.
Josh could be fine for days or months, or possibly even years before the monster rears it's ugly head again. And Josh could wake up TOMORROW headed towards a manic state.
So I've learned to take all this one day at a time, appreciating the good days and looking for more lessons in the bad ones.
Because in the end? I'm just about all Josh has right now and I don't intend to let him down.
Oh, I knew it was bad.
I remember standing and talking with a teacher on Field Day when Jordan was in Elementary School. For some reason, this woman shared with me the story of her son, who was what was then called Manic-Depressive. Unfortunately, it was a fairly typical story of a young man who struggled against the Disorder and lost his battle with it at the age of 24 by killing himself.
I can remember so clearly having the sensation of this woman's pain pouring over me in waves.
So, I knew it was bad.
But I really knew nothing at all.
I now know more than I ever wanted to know about this Disorder, and I'm pretty sure I'll never stop learning.
The internet is a both a blessing and a curse when researching something of this nature. There is a wealth of useful information to be had and what you read there can scare the holy crap out of you.
I visited message boards and forums and the stories I read kept me awake at night, it seemed like everyone was so badly affected by Bipolar. What I quickly realized though is that the people who are posting on message boards fall into one of maybe three categories.
1. People like myself who are new to the Disorder and are seeking help.
2. People who are struggling with the disorder and are seeking help.
3. People who have the disorder and have no intention of addressing it properly, but want to whine.
The fact of the matter is, that for the most part, people who are struggling post on message boards. People who have control over the disorder and are living perfectly normal lives, thankyouverymuch, are out living their perfectly normal lives and not posting messages on boards and forums.
So keep that in mind when you are searching for information. Don't be discouraged by the dearth of happily ever after you read there.
While searching for information about various medications, there are horror stories aplenty too. Because these drugs affect everyone so differently, it can be disheartening to read about other's experiences with side effects and withdrawal symptoms. It is beyond alarming what some people have been through on the journey for the right combination of medications.
It didn't take me long to decide that I needed a book. A good book. A simple, but thorough book, and so I headed to Borders.
I came home with a book that I felt was appropriate to the situation, "Bipolar For Dummies", because I definitely qualified as a Dummy on the subject.
As a starter book, I would highly recommend this one. It covers all aspects of the Disorder and has a section for Caretakers. It is very technical in explaining the Disorder and I completely understood what "happens" in the Bipolar Brain. Granted, I couldn't explain it to anyone else if my life depended on it, but I understood it as I read it.
The book was copyrighted several years ago, so the information may not be the most up-to-date, but I still think it provides a good jumping off point in the quest for Knowledge.
Next I contacted the local chapter of The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance: DBSA and I began attending Support Group meetings.
This was a difficult step for me to take, and I hate to admit it, but it took me several weeks to make that call. And another week to actually attend a meeting. It seemed like stepping across that threshold was me acknowledging the reality of Josh's illness.
Yes, even parents have to work through denial.
If you're faced with a diagnosis of Bipolar, get over your denial quicker than I did, because the help and support you will find at DBSA will be invaluable to you. I actually look forward to our Monday night meetings.
Once I'd armed myself with knowledge and support, I realized that I didn't have a clue how to actually deal with my son on a day to day basis.
All of a sudden this son of mine was completely unfamiliar to me. He was unstable when he came home from the hospital, and while the medications had brought him down from his high, his disordered and occasional delusional thought processes were something totally new to me. I had no idea how to communicate with him.
At a time when I REALLY needed to be able to communicate with him effectively.
Josh displayed HORRIBLE rages when he came home, all directed at me. Anything was liable to set him off. One day he was sitting in my office talking to me and a bird flew by my office window. In a natural response to peripheral movement, I shifted my eyes to the window. Josh jumped up, pounded his fist in the middle of my desk hard enough to make things on it jump, and screamed at me, "Pay attention when I talk to you!" Clearly I'd done nothing 'wrong', but in his mind I was Satan incarnate sent up from the bowels of hell with the express purpose of infuriating him. His rages could have been induced by the medication, irritability IS one of the lovely attibutes of Bipolar Disorder, but some medications ramp it up a notch, to one notch just below homicidal.
So I learned. Slowly. Over WEEKS.
The problem was that everyday, a different version of Josh climbed out of bed. What worked yesterday in that mood, inflamed him today in this mood.
I'll save anyone out there who is dealing with a newly diagnosed Bipolar person some time and tell you a little secret. No matter what, stay calm and agree with everything they say.
OK, so I hate to admit this too, but early on I would make matters worse by arguing with Josh and occasionally I got downright mad at him.
Who wouldn't? Seriously?!
It takes time to realize that this person in front of you HAS NO CONCEPT OF WHAT THEY'RE DOING.
Oh, you know it on an intellectual level, but it takes real effort to remember that in the heat of a very violent moment.
The truth is that stress is one of the worst things for a Bipolar person. Stress builds and builds and builds inside them, and can send them directly into a manic state; do not pass go, do not collect your Seroquel.
So for days, maybe even weeks *shudders* I made matters worse for Josh, and myself, but I learned. Eventually I learned.
I learned to agree with anything he said, "Yes, I'm the most horrible parent in the world, I don't know how you've lived with me all these years, and yes, I need therapy and probably a parenting class or two."
But the biggest thing I learned was to let go and let God.
And God seems to be doing a pretty good job of handling this, because yesterday? JOSH climbed out of bed. My Josh. The one I knew before that awful man in the hospital uttered those words, the one I knew before depression settled over him like an early morning fog, the one who used to be happy and surrounded by friends, rushing here and there, living a busy, fulfilling life.
It seems the medication has quickly worked its way out of Josh's system and, where he was slow and foggy, he's sharp and bright. Where he was sad and desolate, he's happy and hopeful. He's not the slightest bit manic and his thought processes seem to be in good working order.
Today while I was out of town, Josh went out to play baseball with two of his OLD friends. You know, the friends HE pushed out of his life way back there when he was depressed and on the way to suicidal. And as I type this, one of those friends is in his room with him, doing what they used to do...play a video game.
The most difficult lesson I've learned though is that tomorrow is a complete unknown with this Disorder, especially at the stage of acceptance that we are in.
We aren't treating the Disorder at all at this point, although Josh is being very careful about his sleep schedule, because for him and many who suffer with Bipolar, sleep deprivation is a one way ticket to Mania City.
Josh could be fine for days or months, or possibly even years before the monster rears it's ugly head again. And Josh could wake up TOMORROW headed towards a manic state.
So I've learned to take all this one day at a time, appreciating the good days and looking for more lessons in the bad ones.
Because in the end? I'm just about all Josh has right now and I don't intend to let him down.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Well, As Birthdays Go, That One Sucked
Originally posted on my private blog on June 14, 2010
Thank you for all your Birthday wishes. It would have been nice to have a bright sunny birthday, but that's not how it played out.
And really, it was just one more shitty day in a long line of pretty shitty days.
I'm struggling where Josh is concerned and I feel like I'm in a box.
I know how to get out. Of course I do! You open these flaps up here and climb out!
Easy right?
Only, I try to open the flaps, and THIS box isn't like any box I've ever encountered before. I push up on the flaps, and nothing happens. I try to punch through the side of the box and it's made out of some super strong material that won't give.
With Josh, I can SEE what needs to happen. And I know that allowing him to sit in his room doing nothing but getting more depressed isn't helpful.
But I talk to him and tell him that he's got to act. Must look for a job! Must participate in getting his life on track!
And I get blank stares.
I tell him, "You know that TV you've watched all week is run on electricity that I pay for. The food you've eaten all week has been provided by me. The hot water you shower with, the air conditioning you soak up? All me. How would you like it if I shut the breaker off to your room, disconnected your plumbing?"
"Go ahead."
Josh went to sleep Saturday night about 1AM (guess that's technically Sunday morning) and when I tried to get him up for my Birthday lunch at 2, he wouldn't get up. He talked to me, told me he was hungry, but after four trips into his room, I gave up.
I finally got him up at almost 6 PM! He had slept, well, you do the math. A LONG time!
When he got up he accused me of not even trying to get him up.
So, he didn't sleep last night at all, which means today I dealt with a young man whose thought processes were completely jumbled. There was no reasoning with him. So finally, I gave up trying to actually talk to him, and just listened to him.
For SIX hours.
And when I told him that I had to get ready to go out, he got angry and said that I didn't care about him. (I was going to a Bipolar Support Group meeting, because honestly? I could give a shit about the kid.)
So basically, not a lot of fun around HERE today.
Thank you for all your Birthday wishes. It would have been nice to have a bright sunny birthday, but that's not how it played out.
And really, it was just one more shitty day in a long line of pretty shitty days.
I'm struggling where Josh is concerned and I feel like I'm in a box.
I know how to get out. Of course I do! You open these flaps up here and climb out!
Easy right?
Only, I try to open the flaps, and THIS box isn't like any box I've ever encountered before. I push up on the flaps, and nothing happens. I try to punch through the side of the box and it's made out of some super strong material that won't give.
With Josh, I can SEE what needs to happen. And I know that allowing him to sit in his room doing nothing but getting more depressed isn't helpful.
But I talk to him and tell him that he's got to act. Must look for a job! Must participate in getting his life on track!
And I get blank stares.
I tell him, "You know that TV you've watched all week is run on electricity that I pay for. The food you've eaten all week has been provided by me. The hot water you shower with, the air conditioning you soak up? All me. How would you like it if I shut the breaker off to your room, disconnected your plumbing?"
"Go ahead."
Josh went to sleep Saturday night about 1AM (guess that's technically Sunday morning) and when I tried to get him up for my Birthday lunch at 2, he wouldn't get up. He talked to me, told me he was hungry, but after four trips into his room, I gave up.
I finally got him up at almost 6 PM! He had slept, well, you do the math. A LONG time!
When he got up he accused me of not even trying to get him up.
So, he didn't sleep last night at all, which means today I dealt with a young man whose thought processes were completely jumbled. There was no reasoning with him. So finally, I gave up trying to actually talk to him, and just listened to him.
For SIX hours.
And when I told him that I had to get ready to go out, he got angry and said that I didn't care about him. (I was going to a Bipolar Support Group meeting, because honestly? I could give a shit about the kid.)
So basically, not a lot of fun around HERE today.
Mr. Toad's Wild Ride
Originally posted to my Private Blog on May 12, 2010
That's what life with Josh is like at the moment, a very wild ride.
Yesterday when he got home from IOP he was angry. He had met with the psychiatrist and the doctor had doubled his medication. He was taking 100mg, now he is to take 200mg. The doctor told Josh that he will probably increase it one more time in the near future to 300mg.
"Mom, I don't wanna take this medicine AT ALL, I certainly don't want to be taking MORE of it!!!"
He complained about the group therapy at IOP, how useless he found it to be. I told him to ask for individual therapy (which he can do there, with a 24 hour request).
"Tell Rob that you think that's what you NEED right now, ask him for individual therapy for the next two weeks. We're paying for you to get the help you need there, just let them know what you feel will help you."
Josh was very dejected, sick of living in this world, unable to accept that THIS was to be his life. Much of what he said reminded of me of how he was feeling when he became suicidal.
I sat and talked to him for several hours, and throughout the conversation I remained as calm and loving as possible as he hurled insults at me and told me that he hated me; everything about me. Every comment he made I countered with some variation of "well, you are not able to think clearly right now Josh, and it's NOT your fault. Your brain is playing tricks on you. The chemistry of your brain is messed up."
I reminded him to look back at how he felt when he came home from the hospital. "Yes, you were happy to be home, but you were also hopeful and motivated and ready to make important changes in your life that were in your own best interest. You have hampered that process by smoking pot. You just have to accept that you CAN'T do that and maintain your equilibrium."
Eventually it hit me that Josh probably hadn't eaten all day, so I asked if he'd like to go get a bite to eat.
"I'm hungry, but no."
He was distraught, in obvious emotional pain.
So I just kept talking to him.
He began to calm down a bit and finally said, "You know, I think we should go get something to eat, I think I can go out and be cordial." (Cordial? Where did THAT come from?!)
As we drove to the restaurant and sat and ate, he became more and more like 'himself'. During dinner he said, "Do you really think that if I stay on this medicine and avoid drugs and alcohol I could be happy, have a happy life?"
"Yes honey, I do, and I know this is hard for you to adjust to, difficult to accept, but until you begin to accept it and do the things you need to do, you will continue to cycle through these extreme mood swings."
We talked again about the need for him to take good care of his body; the importance of eating properly, keeping his body fueled, the benefits of maintaining a regular sleep schedule (which he has been doing a really good job with) and how helpful it is to exercise everyday...walk Blackie or work with his weights.
By the time we got back home he was FINE. Better than I've seen him since he's been home actually. Not manic, not depressed, just JOSH.
He had a friend over to play guitar for a while and then another friend stopped by for a bit.
I have no idea which version of Josh will return from IOP today, but I'm geared up and ready to deal with whoever walks through the door. I just hope we get to the point where the Josh I know walks through the door everyday.
That's what life with Josh is like at the moment, a very wild ride.
Yesterday when he got home from IOP he was angry. He had met with the psychiatrist and the doctor had doubled his medication. He was taking 100mg, now he is to take 200mg. The doctor told Josh that he will probably increase it one more time in the near future to 300mg.
"Mom, I don't wanna take this medicine AT ALL, I certainly don't want to be taking MORE of it!!!"
He complained about the group therapy at IOP, how useless he found it to be. I told him to ask for individual therapy (which he can do there, with a 24 hour request).
"Tell Rob that you think that's what you NEED right now, ask him for individual therapy for the next two weeks. We're paying for you to get the help you need there, just let them know what you feel will help you."
Josh was very dejected, sick of living in this world, unable to accept that THIS was to be his life. Much of what he said reminded of me of how he was feeling when he became suicidal.
I sat and talked to him for several hours, and throughout the conversation I remained as calm and loving as possible as he hurled insults at me and told me that he hated me; everything about me. Every comment he made I countered with some variation of "well, you are not able to think clearly right now Josh, and it's NOT your fault. Your brain is playing tricks on you. The chemistry of your brain is messed up."
I reminded him to look back at how he felt when he came home from the hospital. "Yes, you were happy to be home, but you were also hopeful and motivated and ready to make important changes in your life that were in your own best interest. You have hampered that process by smoking pot. You just have to accept that you CAN'T do that and maintain your equilibrium."
Eventually it hit me that Josh probably hadn't eaten all day, so I asked if he'd like to go get a bite to eat.
"I'm hungry, but no."
He was distraught, in obvious emotional pain.
So I just kept talking to him.
He began to calm down a bit and finally said, "You know, I think we should go get something to eat, I think I can go out and be cordial." (Cordial? Where did THAT come from?!)
As we drove to the restaurant and sat and ate, he became more and more like 'himself'. During dinner he said, "Do you really think that if I stay on this medicine and avoid drugs and alcohol I could be happy, have a happy life?"
"Yes honey, I do, and I know this is hard for you to adjust to, difficult to accept, but until you begin to accept it and do the things you need to do, you will continue to cycle through these extreme mood swings."
We talked again about the need for him to take good care of his body; the importance of eating properly, keeping his body fueled, the benefits of maintaining a regular sleep schedule (which he has been doing a really good job with) and how helpful it is to exercise everyday...walk Blackie or work with his weights.
By the time we got back home he was FINE. Better than I've seen him since he's been home actually. Not manic, not depressed, just JOSH.
He had a friend over to play guitar for a while and then another friend stopped by for a bit.
I have no idea which version of Josh will return from IOP today, but I'm geared up and ready to deal with whoever walks through the door. I just hope we get to the point where the Josh I know walks through the door everyday.
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