Well, As Birthdays Go, That One Sucked

Originally posted on my private blog on June 14, 2010

Thank you for all your Birthday wishes. It would have been nice to have a bright sunny birthday, but that's not how it played out.

And really, it was just one more shitty day in a long line of pretty shitty days.

I'm struggling where Josh is concerned and I feel like I'm in a box.

I know how to get out. Of course I do! You open these flaps up here and climb out!

Easy right?

Only, I try to open the flaps, and THIS box isn't like any box I've ever encountered before. I push up on the flaps, and nothing happens. I try to punch through the side of the box and it's made out of some super strong material that won't give.

With Josh, I can SEE what needs to happen. And I know that allowing him to sit in his room doing nothing but getting more depressed isn't helpful.

But I talk to him and tell him that he's got to act. Must look for a job! Must participate in getting his life on track!

And I get blank stares.

I tell him, "You know that TV you've watched all week is run on electricity that I pay for. The food you've eaten all week has been provided by me. The hot water you shower with, the air conditioning you soak up? All me. How would you like it if I shut the breaker off to your room, disconnected your plumbing?"

"Go ahead."

Josh went to sleep Saturday night about 1AM (guess that's technically Sunday morning) and when I tried to get him up for my Birthday lunch at 2, he wouldn't get up. He talked to me, told me he was hungry, but after four trips into his room, I gave up.

I finally got him up at almost 6 PM! He had slept, well, you do the math. A LONG time!

When he got up he accused me of not even trying to get him up.

So, he didn't sleep last night at all, which means today I dealt with a young man whose thought processes were completely jumbled. There was no reasoning with him. So finally, I gave up trying to actually talk to him, and just listened to him.

For SIX hours.

And when I told him that I had to get ready to go out, he got angry and said that I didn't care about him. (I was going to a Bipolar Support Group meeting, because honestly? I could give a shit about the kid.)

So basically, not a lot of fun around HERE today.