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Saturday, April 13, 2013

Another Spring is Here

Josh continues to do well, but I'll tell you that I still find myself occasionally waiting for the other shoe to fall, so to speak.

He and his girlfriend are moving into a new apartment together next weekend.  He has been a little stressed by this, hoping that he's not making a mistake.

We've had many talks where I've tried to inform him of the realities of living with someone else.  "The first year will be a little more difficult than you might imagine, it takes time to adjust to living with someone else.  Just keep in mind always how much you love her and don't let the little things get to you."

I worry that this major life change will cause him enough stress to cycle.  I worry that we won't get through April without a cycle.  I worry, I worry, I worry.

And then.....

I let go of my anxiety and remind myself how far Josh has come and what he's had to overcome to get here.  I know that he is mindful of his mood and his sleep.  He mentioned to me one day a few months ago that he thought maybe he'd been "a little manic" the prior evening.

"I realized I was chattering away, but, I'd had trouble sleeping the night before and so I got myself to bed and I've been fine since then."

I'd love to pull his girlfriend aside and let her know the things she should watch out for, but that's not my place.  Maybe Josh has told her enough that she has an idea what is possible, or maybe she's taken it upon herself to acquire some knowledge on the subject?

All I know for sure is how proud I am of him.  He has matured so much and taken control of his life, which means that it's easier for me to let go of that need to TRY to control a situation that is largely out of my control anyway.

We live.  We learn. 

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

It is hard on you but remember it is harder on him. I have generalized anxiety and my son has a bunch of undiagnosed problems plus GAD. He has mood swings and he is complaining that his brain is foggy. It is not because of the meds he has been taking. I do not know what to do.It is so easy when they are babies

Anonymous said...

I think you are a great support system for him. When seems to have grown leaps and bounds! I personally think you should say something to the girlfriend. So she knows what she is up against if problems should arise. Part of all of us getting through this as easy as possible is to support each other. She may need to lean on you too since you will know what she is going through living with him. I can't wait for my daughter to be able to move out on her own. Your situation always gives me so much hope!

Anonymous said...

I began following your posts almost exactly one year ago. That was when my own son (19) experienced his first episode. After around two months of drug treatment (Zyprexa/Prozac/occasional clonazepam), my son seemed to return to a sense of normalcy. He was eventually weaned off almost all medication since he seemed to no longer need them. I had the pipe dream that the whole experience may be a one time thing. Then ten months later (March 23, 2013), the second episode hit. My thoughts returned to your comment about your son "cycling in Spring". Although my son is still not definitively diagnosed (even while under psychiatric care), I believe he must be seasonal bi-polar. I hold out hope for my son's future, because your son seems to be finally getting a grip on his life situation. I pray my son does the same.

Your son is lucky to have you by his side (even if in the distance). Thank you for your blog.

Michelle

Sebastian Daniels said...

I hope that things work out with Josh. I hope she has acquired knowledge about the disorder. It can be difficult to deal with someone if they are in the throes of bipolar. I am going to go back and read your older blog posts from the beginning. I look forward to reading from a mom's perspective of someone with bipolar.

I myself have borderline personality disorder and possible rapid cycling bipolar and I am on the growth and healing process. It will be informative to read what it is like to read what goes on from the perspective of the parent. I wish to cause no more pain to my parents, friends or therapist.

findingonespath.blogspot.com

Russell Dill said...

I believe Josh is a strong person considering that you were there to guide him and give him counseling when he needs it. Living together might put him under a lot of stress, but in some ways, this would be perfect for him to choose his own path and persevere through bipolar syndrome with his girlfriend. Being there by his side when he needs it is more than enough to uplift his spirits.

Russel Dill @ Kenosis Center

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for writing this blog! It's so insightful and makes me feel less alone. My little 9 year old girl was diagnosed bipolar, I year ago. I still get overwhelmed with my new found reality, but have found much comfort through blogs like yours. It's very kind of you to be so honest!

You may find this link helpful, it's testimonies of people being totally healed from bipolar. It encourages me! http://www.ibethel.org/testimonies

God bless and strength you!