If you are a new visitor to my blog, may I suggest you start at the beginning of our journey with Bipolar by visiting my archives

Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

And Now it's Fall

Josh had a few small 'bumps' after moving in with his girlfriend.  It was a very stressful adjustment for him, and there were a few times when his reactions were.....not good.

He also lost it at work one day and was in fear of losing his job.  Everything worked out in the end though.

The further away from meds he gets, the more convinced he is that he was misdiagnosed.  I'm not a health care professional, but I feel strongly that he was not misdiagnosed.  I feel that Bipolar will negatively effect his life again sometime in the future.

I'd LOVE to be wrong.

Enough time has passed since Josh went off his meds that I have begun to let go of that low grade worry that I have carried around.  No matter how hard you try to let it go, even though you know it's all out of your control, there remains a niggling worry, but mine has become less and less.

I continue to be broken hearted by the emails I receive and comments left on this blog from people who have also been negatively effected by Bipolar.  It is such a difficult path to walk and I admire so much the people who live with it and find a way to create a normal life around it.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Another Spring is Here

Josh continues to do well, but I'll tell you that I still find myself occasionally waiting for the other shoe to fall, so to speak.

He and his girlfriend are moving into a new apartment together next weekend.  He has been a little stressed by this, hoping that he's not making a mistake.

We've had many talks where I've tried to inform him of the realities of living with someone else.  "The first year will be a little more difficult than you might imagine, it takes time to adjust to living with someone else.  Just keep in mind always how much you love her and don't let the little things get to you."

I worry that this major life change will cause him enough stress to cycle.  I worry that we won't get through April without a cycle.  I worry, I worry, I worry.

And then.....

I let go of my anxiety and remind myself how far Josh has come and what he's had to overcome to get here.  I know that he is mindful of his mood and his sleep.  He mentioned to me one day a few months ago that he thought maybe he'd been "a little manic" the prior evening.

"I realized I was chattering away, but, I'd had trouble sleeping the night before and so I got myself to bed and I've been fine since then."

I'd love to pull his girlfriend aside and let her know the things she should watch out for, but that's not my place.  Maybe Josh has told her enough that she has an idea what is possible, or maybe she's taken it upon herself to acquire some knowledge on the subject?

All I know for sure is how proud I am of him.  He has matured so much and taken control of his life, which means that it's easier for me to let go of that need to TRY to control a situation that is largely out of my control anyway.

We live.  We learn. 

Monday, January 14, 2013

Heading Towards Spring

Josh continues to be OK off of his medicine.  I would say that he's not quite as good as he was while on it, but he's doing OK.

He's completely supporting himself, is maintaining a relationship with his girlfriend and the two of them got a kitten that he keeps at his apartment.  He's been amazingly responsible and manages to keep his collective shit together.

I feel truly blessed.

But spring looms right up ahead there, and I'm concerned for him.  Nothing would make me happier than to see him sail right through March and April, but history tells me that the likelihood of that happening is slim.

And if he does cycle, I have no idea how far down he'll allow himself to get before he reaches out for help.

I do know one thing.  I've learned so much over the last couple of years and I know that this is HIS journey and that HE gets to make the decisions about his life.

I also know from past experience that he has a breaking point; a point that he reaches where he feels he can't go on in that state any longer and he asks for help.

He has shifted back into denial about having bipolar, but he's a very intelligent young man.  I think if he were faced again with hypomania, he'd recognize it for what it was.

I continue to be heartbroken by the comments and emails I receive from other parents who are struggling through life with a bipolar child.  It's a difficult path to walk and 'the system' does such a poor job of educating and supporting both the patient and their loved ones.