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Tuesday, September 13, 2011

It's Just Too Sad

In just ONE week, these are the searches that brought people to this blog:

boyfriend is mean to my bi polar son


can i ever stop worring about my bipolar son


for the love of god i can not handle my bipolar son


how to explain to child that mom has bipolar


meds overcharge


mom of bipolar son


my bipolar son took his life
my perspective on bipolar

my son is 21 and said he has never been happy, always bored


my son is hopeless

What these searches remind me of is twofold.  First that there are SO many people struggling as I have with their bipolar children, but secondly, and probably most important to note, is how many people are left to turn to the internet for information and support.

Our society has GOT to get with the program and put an end to the stigma attached to mental illness, and the mental health profession has got to begin doing a better job of educating and supporting not only the Bipolar patient, but the families and loved ones of someone diagnosed with this disorder.

Every single thing I know about Bipolar, I learned from reading books and searching the internet.  It shouldn't BE that way.  When Josh was diagnosed while hospitalized, I received NO information and ZERO support.  Our journey through this disorder could have been so much easier if I had been educated and if there was ongoing support available to assist me as questions and problems cropped up.

I attended our local Bipolar Support Group, and that was incredibly helpful but desperation led me there.  I am 100% convinced that the experience of Bipolar could be very different if more attention was given to education and support of loved ones.

Everyone who reads here and emails me says that it helps to know they're not alone with all this.  Sadly, they are not.  As parents of Bipolar children we are in a club none of us signed up for, and the number of members in this club is staggering.   The saddest truth is that this is a club we'll belong to the rest of our lives.

How true is the search, "can I ever stop worrying about my Bipolar son."

I KNOW the answer to that one.  No.  I don't think it will matter how well Josh is doing, now or in the future, 'worry' will always be there for me, no matter how far in the background I try to force it.

Because of the stigma attached to mental illness, many people don't share their struggle with the people in their lives, but how is the stigma ever going to be diminished if we don't TALK about this? I openly share my experience with this disorder with anyone willing to listen, yet I also try very hard to respect Josh's wishes. His cousins STILL don't know about his illness. I'm sure they wonder, "what the hell happened?" as they've watched their cousin's life spin out of control. But he isn't comfortable sharing this with them, and so they're left to wonder.

Things have to change and each one of us are responsible for making that change happen.  I for one am beginning the process of identifying how to do that.  I have no idea WHO to contact, but I'm going to go back to the internet and figure out the best options for having my voice heard.

I refuse to struggle in silence.  This blog has allowed me to connect with people who are struggling as I am, but I feel compelled to take my story to a broader audience.  It's not enough to get through the tough times, I want to make people's struggles easier in the future.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad to hear Josh is doing well...one day at a time...my son was diagnosed three weeks ago being bipolar and he too is having the same acceptance issues as Josh...he's on lithium right now, but says he asking the Dr to take him off...he feels he can manage it by himself through exercise/meditation/proper sleep/healthy eating...all of which I know are important, but I still feel he needs the meds...he had a bad manic episode when he was away at school so we brought him home and took him to the dr...I don't know what the future brings, but he did promise that if things get bad he would seek professional help...

Have the T-shirt said...

Anonymous - I certainly believe that much can be accomplished in treating Bipolar by doing what your son suggests re:diet, exercise, etc. My concern would be in your son's promise to address any future slides by seeking professional help. The problem is that HE might not 'realize' or 'see' that he needs help when the time comes. Someone with Bipolar often isn't aware of the reality of their behavior at the exact moment that they need to be aware of it.

On the other hand, Josh certainly got to the point where he knew he couldn't live like he was; with the symptoms he was having, and he asked for help. It was very hard watching him struggle through his denial though.

I'll keep your son in my thoughts and prayers.

Cee said...

I wish I had known that bipolar disorder was what my son's problem was when he was younger (he's 33 now). We knew something was wrong but no one could ever tell us what. Back then, they didn't even accept that children could have bipolar disorder. The only thing the psychologists and guidance counselors came up with was ADHD.

We know now that ADHD was not the real problem (no wonder Ritalin didn't work). My son was officially diagnosed with BPII three years ago. He told me, "Mom, I've always been this way". When he said that, it broke my heart, but suddenly it all made sense: the fits of anger and disrespect one day and the wonderful conversations and rapport the next day. He was always bored with school and we were forever being called in to talk with his teachers because of behavior issues and his cutting school. It was so frustrating because we knew he was smart.

We always thought it must be our fault, either we were too strict or not strict enough. I feel so bad now for all the suffering he went through (and us as well) because we didn't know and he never got the right treatment. He seems to have pulled his life together now and we have a wonderful relationship. I'm so glad we never gave up on him even though we wanted to many times. I think it made the difference between what his life is now and the nightmare it could have become. Ironically, it was through learning his diagnosis that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder too. Usually it happens the other way around, the child is diagnosed because of the parent (I was misdiagnosed with major depression for most of my life).

Not that I'd wish this on anyone, but I'm glad to know there are other mothers out there who have gone through this and understand what confusion, guilt and anger this disorder can cause especially if you don't know what is going on. Thanks for giving me a place to vent these feelings. I have no one I can talk to about this.

Lisa Bayless said...

Thank you for sharing this heartfelt message. I have a son with bipolar and it is difficult many days to help him. I have found a great website, http://onlineceucredit.com/edu/social-work-ceus-bc, that offers a lot of information on bipolar children. I hope other parents are helped by this.

Anonymous said...

My son has bioplar and has but me through hell , he is nearly 23 now it has made me feel really depressed as well. I have this constant fear is will take his own life, even when life is going good its there all the time I suffer from bad panic attacks when his not good, also I feel ashamed, and have at some point s cutt him out of my life for my own sanity, its a horrible disease it breaks my heart as I love him so much

mother said...

My son 31 has a wife. And a kid. My worry is about his wif too. I know its not fair to a girl. She seems so depressed that I feel I have to take care of two. If she stays back which I so dearly wish and she is not in a role of caregiver then time will be so tough. If she leaves and my son is broken, time will still be tough. I just wish I knew this illness would come before his marriage. It would have been less complicated if he was single....