I Hope Like Hell I'm Wrong

Josh began working several weeks ago, and for the most part, that has been a positive experience for him. He seems to like his job, is concerned that he's doing a good job and I think the set routine has been beneficial overall.

Until this week when he called me and seemed 'out of sorts', very belligerent with me when there was no need to be and he complained that he was having trouble sleeping. It was 2 in the afternoon and he'd been up since 10 the previous night. He NEEDED to sleep before he had to be at work at 11 that night.

Anytime he's not sleeping concerns me.

I talked to him the next day and he seemed fine, and the next day he seemed fine. He planned on coming by today so I could help him with the insurance enrollment form from work. His father refuses to pay even one more month of his current insurance because he'll be 21 next month. I call foul on that because it's the ONLY thing his Dad has done for the better part of three years. He hasn't paid child support as required, or contributed his half to Josh's medical bills (which have been HUGE this past year and have left me struggling financially). I think the man could pay ONE MORE MONTH of premiums to assure Josh's insurance doesn't lapse.

But no. So I told Josh that *I* would pay one more month and then his work insurance would kick in. We looked at the cost of this new insurance and Josh doesn't feel like he can afford it, even though it's half as much as his current policy. And he's right, he really can't afford it if he wants to get a place of his own. He makes very little money and with his current income it will be difficult to cover the basics, even with a shit apartment.

So I told him that I wanted him to enroll and that *I* would pay it. For one year. So that he can get himself squared away. I do NOT want him to go without insurance just in case there is another bipolar incident.

Which I'm pretty sure we're headed into after today.

When Josh got here today we sat and talked for two hours. Very pleasant conversation, he had a bite to eat, etc. I was a little worried about comments he made about his Dad, how unreasonable and stupid he is, how mad he gets at his Dad, how he doesn't like the way his Dad talks to him, his general demeanor.

Now these attitudes are exactly the same things I experienced with Josh right before he had his manic episode. So that worried me.

Then things got worse. He wanted to take some of his books with him because he's been doing a lot of reading lately due to the fact there's nothing else to do at his Dad's house. I told him I'd take him over to the storage unit. However, since I was last in the storage unit someone else had moved a mess of stuff in there and it was almost impossible to even get INTO the thing.

But that didn't stop Josh, he climbed over everything, like he was scaling a mountain; determined to examine every box in the place until he found his books.

He didn't find his books though. I KNOW they're in there, but have no idea exactly where they are, but he's sure I threw them away and he was quite animated and disrespectful as he delivered his hypothesis.

"You had NO right to take things out of my room! You should have left everything right where it was!"

"Josh, I told you when you left to get everything out of your room you needed in the immediate future because I was going to pack everything up. I didn't throw anything away. They're here and you're just going to have to wait till the weather breaks and I have time to get here and get things organized.

"I'm not waiting, I'll tear this place apart till I find them."

"No you won't, I'm ready to go back home, so come on."

"You're not going anywhere! I drove so you'll stay here until *I'M* ready to go!"

He climbed around some more, walking with wet/salty shoes on the top of my desk and my entertainment center; crushing boxes, throwing things here and there.

And I stood by and waited.

When we got home, he went back into his room and tossed things around in there, then he went into the garage and began going through boxes out there (which are not MINE so I know they don't contain his books.)

"Josh, your books aren't out here and you don't have my permission to go through these boxes."

"I don't NEED your permission!"

"OK Josh, you need to leave now."

"Fuck that!"

"You need to leave now or I'll have the police ask you to leave, you decide."

So he slammed out the door, came back in three times for I don't know what, slamming the door each time.

So I locked the door and he left.

And then I called his dad and updated him and asked him to keep a close eye on Josh.

Sigh.

The only good thing in all of this is that Josh has an appointment with his doctor Tuesday. He wants to get back on his Adderall because he feels it helps him. And THAT might help with the sleep situation?

Other than that, there's not much good news here today :(