Well, I drew that line in the sand for Josh, and my therapist advised me that it was an appropriate line to draw and that I must be prepared to follow through if needed.
It's needed.
Josh failed to clean the house this weekend, which means he crossed the line in the sand.
Monday I said to him, "Well, it looks like you've CHOSEN to not live here next year since you didn't clean the house this weekend."
"Whatever."
He gave me a bunch of excuses, like he had to work all weekend, to which I replied, "You worked all of 8 hours the entire weekend, mostly what you did is play online poker."
He wanted to argue, but I just walked away.
But can I tell you how hard it is to envision how this young man is going to be prepared to go it alone, and I don't have the available funds to help him. Furniture, household goods, etc, I can help with, but I have no money to assist him, not to mention assisting him financially is the opposite of what this is about anyway.
I'm sure he thinks I'm not serious, I've certainly given him reasons in the past to assume I'm not serious. When I've tried to discuss this with him since our initial discussion, he just says he doesn't know what he's gonna do and drops it.
He intends to take classes next semester, but I don't know how he plans on paying the fees above what his grant will cover.
He's in la la land!
Any advice?
1 comment:
When Will was 18 we forced him out, after finding him passed out on the couch with drugs falling out of his pockets. He also had mood issues, also refused to take meds. Yes, I had alot of fears for him but something told me he needed to be made to stand on his own legs. he slept on a friend's couch for a couple of months then found a cheap apartment. Now it's 4 years later. He' s had some difficulties, but he's making it and thanks us for kicking him out.
I know you worry about Tyler's sanity, but right now he has no reason to step up to the plate. He really needs to be made to, and once he doess, amazing things will happen. I saw it with Will, who also has mood disorders and also refuses to take meds. Will still deals with depression, but he has a savvy roomate who isn't afraid to kick his ass when he becomes dramatic. Right now, I think Tyler needs an ass-kicker.
It's scary, I know. After we tossed Will out, I fretted and worried and prayed and had a knot in my stomach every single day. Did I do the right thing? Was he dead in a ditch from an overdose? I'd drive by his apartment and work to see if he was there, I'd take him to lunch once a week...just to make sure he was still alive. Now, 4 years later, he's still alive and actually thriving, making real plans for the future, and there's no feeling like it.
Yes, it's terrifying to send a child into the world when you're pretty sure he won't make it, but then they surprise you and that is an incredible, amazing and wonderful thing.
You won't be "throwing him out", you'll be allowing him to stand on his own, to feel like the grown man that he is. You'll have to tolerate some whining occasionally and will need to stand firm and allow him to stumble. Make sure he has food to eat and the medical care he needs (not just mental care, but if he gets the flu or whatever). Make sure (since you're in a cold part of the world) he has a warm coat and boots. It won't kill him to sleep in a homeless shelter or to suffer a bit. Stay strong, so he can grow strong. He'll thank you for it.
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