Not much new to report where Josh is concerned. He continues to be 'fine'.
He got all of his student aid issues resolved and has enrolled for fall classes. His grant money and student aid is conditional on him not failing any classes or getting any withdrawls or incompletes.
He is only taking three classes and his classes will be on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, they all begin at 12:30. This schedule should work well for him since he won't have to drive either direction during rush hour traffic and he can sleep in which is the schedule he prefers.
Right now his sleep schedule is completely topsy turvy. He goes to bed between 4-6 AM and sleeps until 3 PM or so. I pointed out that not only is his schedule upside down (which won't work once school starts), but he is also sleeping 12 hours some days.
"You know Josh, people who are depressed tend to sleep too much, you need to check yourself to make sure you don't feel like you're slipping into a depression."
"I think I'm fine, I'm not sad or having any dark thoughts or anything."
"OK, but you need to monitor that because now would be the time to address it so that you will be ready when school starts."
He has been very slow to address his job situation. He has typically been working less than ten hours a week and this week, they didn't schedule him at all. In light of that, he has submitted some applications online, but his money situation has now become dire. Last week his car battery died and instead of giving him or loaning him the money to buy a new battery, I let him figure it out on his own, my thinking being that a new battery would take most of his available cash and he would FINALLY feel a need to act on the job thing. That seems to have had the desired effect.
He went without a car most of the week until he got his paycheck. He jumped his car and drove and bought a new battery.
In general he has been very pleasant. Often he'll do dishes or other household tasks before I can even mention them to him. Now, don't get me wrong, it's not like he's tearin' it up around here, but I see improvement in that area.
He also agreed to clean the house every Friday in lieu of paying me rent and he has done a pretty good job with that. Sometimes he won't get everything finished on Friday, so he finishes up on Saturday, but he's at least doing it with a smile on his face.
He still spends too much time alone, but also sees his 'good' friends fairly often. They will all be returning to college soon, but so will he AND I hope he has a new job as well. School and work will fill a lot of his time and force him to get on a more normal schedule.
I feel pretty comfortable about his return to school. There is no way to know what might happen as the school year progresses. It's quite possible that Bipolar symptoms will appear and I can only pray that if they do, he will address them properly. I think not moving forward with school plans would be detrimental to him at this point, he needs the routine that school provides and to feel like his life is moving forward after having it all derail so badly during the last year.
He would like to think he's not Bipolar, but I'm not convinced he isn't. I expect there to be further issues down the road and it is impossible to say that if he's in a Bipolar state of mind will he still 'see' the need for medication. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
It's very hard feeling like we are sitting on a time bomb, just waiting for it to explode, but that's what we're doing. There is very little that we can do to prepare for that eventuality. Josh isn't willing to discuss the possibilities very much, about the only thing we've agreed upon is to seek his therapists help if things go tits up.
I have missed the last several DBSA meetings due to other obligations, and I won't be able to attend tonight either, but hope to go back next week. It is very hard to sit in those meetings and listen to other people's horror stories when Josh is doing so well. It feels a bit like what survivor guilt must feel like. It's nice to know that the group is there though because I have a feeling I'll be needing their support again in the future.
Josh is doing well, but that doesn't mean he's 100% where he needs to be. I'm watching him closely, there is no part of me that feels like we're out of the woods or anything. I'm just trying very hard to enjoy this respite; I'm getting a lot done around the house and enjoying time with my friends etc.
Basically, I'm waiting for the other shoe to fall.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Why do they have to make it so hard?
Josh was referred to an Endocrinologist by our Primary Care Physician.
No one mentioned how difficult it is to get an appointment with an Endocrinologist.
I was given three names and checked with Josh's insurance company to determine which doctors were in his network. I then called to schedule an appointment.
Sheesh!
You can't make an appointment with any of these doctors without first having a years worth of medical records sent to them so they can determine the urgency of care needed, but the real kicker is that once they receive the records, the first available appointment isn't until mid to late September.
This was the case with all three doctors I called.
It seems to me that they're going to need not only Josh's records from his Primary Care Physician, but also records from his IOP at the Stress Center back in January, AND his records from the Psych Hospital.
By the time they receive all that information, I imagine the September appointments will be filled and we'll be looking closer to October.
And in all of this, there is an issue with Josh's Student Aid for the Fall Term. We have to present documentation from a physician stating that Josh is OK to attend school in the Fall. The problem is that Josh isn't really under any doctor's care right now. The student aid office doesn't know that he has been diagnosed as Bipolar, they are concerned with the depression that caused him to fail out of last Fall's classes. This documentation needs to be to the Student Aid office by the 14th of July. We were hoping that Josh's Thyroid tests would come back and indicate an underlying Thyroid condition that we could state we were treating.
Josh and me have an appointment with his therapist, Peter, this Wednesday. Peter is willing to compose a letter that explains the situation; that Josh recovered fully from the depression, became sleep deprived that resulted in a manic episode, whereby he was diagnosed with Bipolar. But then it gets a little tricky. We are not treating Josh's Bipolar at the moment, so Peter is going to have to dance around a bit, stating that Josh is functioning well right now and will treat any further episodes, if they occur, as needed.
Josh has FREE money available this year, for the first time, and I hate the thought of him losing out on that. He has decided to start back to school in a very cautious manner, taking only three classes. While he hates taking such a light class load, he understands that he needs to avoid stress. I told him that he could catch up during the summer session, but that since we really don't KNOW what might happen; he could experience more Bipolar issues, that a cautious approach would be best.
Worse case scenario, I will have to pay for his classes this year and I hate to do that since I have spent so much money on his medical bills this year. I don't think it is in Josh's best interest to sit out the Fall Term. I feel strongly that he needs to 'get his life back' because it has spiraled horribly out of control over the last year. Some normalcy would be good for him and he needs to be working towards a goal and school would force him to get on a healthier schedule.
In addition to the medical issues he is facing, his employer (a national chain) is close to bankruptcy. He may not have a job for long and they have cut back every one's schedules to the point that Josh is working only about 10 hours a week. Jobs are hard to come by though, especially with the college kids home for the summer. Josh's older brother has been unemployed now for a year and a half and his unemployment benefits ended three weeks ago. His brother is in that first wave pool of people who were laid off, so there will be a glut of those people whose unemployment benefits have ended, who are aggressively seeking any available opportunities. Which means it will be even more difficult for Josh to find employment.
Added to my financial woes is the fact that for the first time EVER, Josh's brother has had to ask me for money, and I'm sure his needs will continue.
Right now everything, every aspect of our lives, is in flux and that's a very uncomfortable position to be in. Josh could experience Bipolar symptoms at any moment, or he could be fine for years. It's hard to know WHAT to do because nothing is a given, so we'll just have to take things as they come, deal with the issues in front of us each day and be frugal as hell because everybody is in my pocket right now.
Sigh.
No one mentioned how difficult it is to get an appointment with an Endocrinologist.
I was given three names and checked with Josh's insurance company to determine which doctors were in his network. I then called to schedule an appointment.
Sheesh!
You can't make an appointment with any of these doctors without first having a years worth of medical records sent to them so they can determine the urgency of care needed, but the real kicker is that once they receive the records, the first available appointment isn't until mid to late September.
This was the case with all three doctors I called.
It seems to me that they're going to need not only Josh's records from his Primary Care Physician, but also records from his IOP at the Stress Center back in January, AND his records from the Psych Hospital.
By the time they receive all that information, I imagine the September appointments will be filled and we'll be looking closer to October.
And in all of this, there is an issue with Josh's Student Aid for the Fall Term. We have to present documentation from a physician stating that Josh is OK to attend school in the Fall. The problem is that Josh isn't really under any doctor's care right now. The student aid office doesn't know that he has been diagnosed as Bipolar, they are concerned with the depression that caused him to fail out of last Fall's classes. This documentation needs to be to the Student Aid office by the 14th of July. We were hoping that Josh's Thyroid tests would come back and indicate an underlying Thyroid condition that we could state we were treating.
Josh and me have an appointment with his therapist, Peter, this Wednesday. Peter is willing to compose a letter that explains the situation; that Josh recovered fully from the depression, became sleep deprived that resulted in a manic episode, whereby he was diagnosed with Bipolar. But then it gets a little tricky. We are not treating Josh's Bipolar at the moment, so Peter is going to have to dance around a bit, stating that Josh is functioning well right now and will treat any further episodes, if they occur, as needed.
Josh has FREE money available this year, for the first time, and I hate the thought of him losing out on that. He has decided to start back to school in a very cautious manner, taking only three classes. While he hates taking such a light class load, he understands that he needs to avoid stress. I told him that he could catch up during the summer session, but that since we really don't KNOW what might happen; he could experience more Bipolar issues, that a cautious approach would be best.
Worse case scenario, I will have to pay for his classes this year and I hate to do that since I have spent so much money on his medical bills this year. I don't think it is in Josh's best interest to sit out the Fall Term. I feel strongly that he needs to 'get his life back' because it has spiraled horribly out of control over the last year. Some normalcy would be good for him and he needs to be working towards a goal and school would force him to get on a healthier schedule.
In addition to the medical issues he is facing, his employer (a national chain) is close to bankruptcy. He may not have a job for long and they have cut back every one's schedules to the point that Josh is working only about 10 hours a week. Jobs are hard to come by though, especially with the college kids home for the summer. Josh's older brother has been unemployed now for a year and a half and his unemployment benefits ended three weeks ago. His brother is in that first wave pool of people who were laid off, so there will be a glut of those people whose unemployment benefits have ended, who are aggressively seeking any available opportunities. Which means it will be even more difficult for Josh to find employment.
Added to my financial woes is the fact that for the first time EVER, Josh's brother has had to ask me for money, and I'm sure his needs will continue.
Right now everything, every aspect of our lives, is in flux and that's a very uncomfortable position to be in. Josh could experience Bipolar symptoms at any moment, or he could be fine for years. It's hard to know WHAT to do because nothing is a given, so we'll just have to take things as they come, deal with the issues in front of us each day and be frugal as hell because everybody is in my pocket right now.
Sigh.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Not Good News
Josh's thyroid blood work and ultra sound all came back normal.
Sigh.
The doctor has asked that Josh see an Endocrinologist anyway. She is still concerned about his elevated levels upon admittance to the hospital.
Josh is NOT a happy camper.
Neither is his Mom.
Sigh.
The doctor has asked that Josh see an Endocrinologist anyway. She is still concerned about his elevated levels upon admittance to the hospital.
Josh is NOT a happy camper.
Neither is his Mom.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Fingers Crossed
Josh had his physical today. We both love our doctor, he actually delivered Josh, so he's been in our lives a long time. We didn't see him today though, our appointment was with our favorite Nurse Practitioner. She also has cared for us both for years and she has a very holistic approach to medicine, always more apt to suggest a supplement over a pharmaceutical.
Anyway, I went in with Josh because I wanted to be sure the NP understood Josh's recent history. She was pretty shocked that Josh's thyroid levels were as high as they were upon admittance to the Psych Hospital, and yet nothing further was done in an attempt to ascertain if there was an underlying Thyroid problem.
She ordered further blood work, and because she felt Josh's thyroid was enlarged, she ordered an Ultra Sound on it.
As we talked with her, I became a bit more hopeful that Josh may not be Bipolar at all, that perhaps a hyperactive thyroid created a vicious cycle of sleep deprivation that led to the mania he experienced.
I feel like Josh having a thyroid problem and NOT Bipolar is kinda like winning the lottery. Not likely, yet.......if you read the symptoms of hyperactive thyroid and then read the symptoms of sleep deprivation (Josh had had only two hours sleep in a three day period when he became manic), it's very easy to get your hopes up. I mean, after all, SOMEBODY wins the lottery, right?
So we'll wait and see.
Josh right now has been totally himself, right down to being a bit short with me sometimes, bordering on rude. (No screaming and yelling, let alone pounding his fist or slamming a door)
He's still having trouble sleeping, but he's getting a solid 8 hours, unfortunately he often isn't asleep before 4 am, this morning when I got up at 6 am, he was still up. For now, his schedule allows this strange sleep pattern, but eventually he's going to need to get back on a more normal routine.
I look over the last year of Josh's life and can see how everything that has happened could be explained by a hyperactive thyroid. The thyroid controls so many functions and the hormones it produces are very powerful. I've said before that his eyes have bothered me for some time, his eyeballs seem to 'bulge'. This is a symptom of Grave's Disease and if you read the following link, under the heading of "How is the Diagnosis of Grave's Disease Made?", the second paragraph talks about 'clues' that might lead to such a diagnosis. The very last line talks about family members with related autoimmune disorders, such as I have....vitiligo.
My sister had a hyperactive thyroid, so there is family history, but the biggest factor to me is MY autoimmune disorder (vitiligo) that is known to cause blood relatives to be more prone to ALL autoimmune disorders.
And if you don't think sleep deprivation plays a part in all this, read this.
I may be grasping at straws, but I just keep coming back to Josh's thyroid problem not being addressed in the hospital.
So, we'll address it now if there is a problem, and then we'll wait and see if Josh shows anymore symptoms of Bipolar or not.
Anyway, I went in with Josh because I wanted to be sure the NP understood Josh's recent history. She was pretty shocked that Josh's thyroid levels were as high as they were upon admittance to the Psych Hospital, and yet nothing further was done in an attempt to ascertain if there was an underlying Thyroid problem.
She ordered further blood work, and because she felt Josh's thyroid was enlarged, she ordered an Ultra Sound on it.
As we talked with her, I became a bit more hopeful that Josh may not be Bipolar at all, that perhaps a hyperactive thyroid created a vicious cycle of sleep deprivation that led to the mania he experienced.
I feel like Josh having a thyroid problem and NOT Bipolar is kinda like winning the lottery. Not likely, yet.......if you read the symptoms of hyperactive thyroid and then read the symptoms of sleep deprivation (Josh had had only two hours sleep in a three day period when he became manic), it's very easy to get your hopes up. I mean, after all, SOMEBODY wins the lottery, right?
So we'll wait and see.
Josh right now has been totally himself, right down to being a bit short with me sometimes, bordering on rude. (No screaming and yelling, let alone pounding his fist or slamming a door)
He's still having trouble sleeping, but he's getting a solid 8 hours, unfortunately he often isn't asleep before 4 am, this morning when I got up at 6 am, he was still up. For now, his schedule allows this strange sleep pattern, but eventually he's going to need to get back on a more normal routine.
I look over the last year of Josh's life and can see how everything that has happened could be explained by a hyperactive thyroid. The thyroid controls so many functions and the hormones it produces are very powerful. I've said before that his eyes have bothered me for some time, his eyeballs seem to 'bulge'. This is a symptom of Grave's Disease and if you read the following link, under the heading of "How is the Diagnosis of Grave's Disease Made?", the second paragraph talks about 'clues' that might lead to such a diagnosis. The very last line talks about family members with related autoimmune disorders, such as I have....vitiligo.
My sister had a hyperactive thyroid, so there is family history, but the biggest factor to me is MY autoimmune disorder (vitiligo) that is known to cause blood relatives to be more prone to ALL autoimmune disorders.
And if you don't think sleep deprivation plays a part in all this, read this.
I may be grasping at straws, but I just keep coming back to Josh's thyroid problem not being addressed in the hospital.
So, we'll address it now if there is a problem, and then we'll wait and see if Josh shows anymore symptoms of Bipolar or not.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
He's Baacck!
Josh is doing so well the last several days. It seems all his sadness is gone, he is functioning well, taking care of the things he needs to take care of. Hey! He's even back to ragging on me about everything, but only in the nicest way. He says his mind isn't racing and his thoughts are not at all disordered.
I'm not sure how long this will last, but I'll enjoy it while it does.
Today he told me, "It's kinda funny to say this, but I kinda hope I have a thyroid problem, I mean, who would wish for that?"
"Someone who knows the alternative is a mental illness. Weighing them, a thyroid problem would win out in anyone's book."
No matter how Josh's blood work comes back, I'm going to insist they perform a thyroid scan. There still may be traces of medication in Josh's system that could cause the blood tests to be skewed. I'm not taking any chances.
One of my girlfriends has an Autistic daughter. She gave me a book and an article to read the other day that pretty much says that there is no such thing as Autism, or ADHD, bipolar or schizophrenia. According to these professionals, all of these conditions have a biological basis; heavy metals, hormone imbalances, etc.
They propose that if you look, you can find an underlying condition and treat it, and they say that most doctors just aren't trained in these areas, that they are so busy running their practices that they don't take the time to fully explore ALL other possibilities before attaching a label.
I suppose there is something to all this and I imagine, over time, this field of study will probably advance and gain more support.
She has encouraged me to meet with her daughter's doctor for a full work up, just to see what MIGHT be out of whack. I haven't discussed any of this with Josh yet, but there is a lot of information out there that points to the fact that many people are misdiagnosed as Bipolar, but are really suffering a thyroid problem, so we'll start by ruling that out.
I'm not sure how long this will last, but I'll enjoy it while it does.
Today he told me, "It's kinda funny to say this, but I kinda hope I have a thyroid problem, I mean, who would wish for that?"
"Someone who knows the alternative is a mental illness. Weighing them, a thyroid problem would win out in anyone's book."
No matter how Josh's blood work comes back, I'm going to insist they perform a thyroid scan. There still may be traces of medication in Josh's system that could cause the blood tests to be skewed. I'm not taking any chances.
One of my girlfriends has an Autistic daughter. She gave me a book and an article to read the other day that pretty much says that there is no such thing as Autism, or ADHD, bipolar or schizophrenia. According to these professionals, all of these conditions have a biological basis; heavy metals, hormone imbalances, etc.
They propose that if you look, you can find an underlying condition and treat it, and they say that most doctors just aren't trained in these areas, that they are so busy running their practices that they don't take the time to fully explore ALL other possibilities before attaching a label.
I suppose there is something to all this and I imagine, over time, this field of study will probably advance and gain more support.
She has encouraged me to meet with her daughter's doctor for a full work up, just to see what MIGHT be out of whack. I haven't discussed any of this with Josh yet, but there is a lot of information out there that points to the fact that many people are misdiagnosed as Bipolar, but are really suffering a thyroid problem, so we'll start by ruling that out.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Giving Back
You know, I have gotten so much out of the local DBSA Support Group meetings I attend every Monday night, but sometimes being able to give back can also help as you cope with this thing called Bipolar.
My sister, who lives out of town, called me early one day last week on her way to work.
"Melody you HAVE to go out today and get this book I'm reading. I noticed it last night on a display table of recently released books (she works part time at Barnes and Nobles) so I bought it and brought it home. I was exhausted last night, but I thought I'd read a few pages before I fell asleep. I couldn't put it down. It's called "Welcome to the Jungle...Everything you ever wanted to know about Bipolar, but were too freaked out to ask." The author was diagnosed at 19 and she's probably in her early twenties now. Anyway, it is written for young adults who are newly diagnosed, it's the book she says she wished someone would have handed her when she was newly diagnosed. I really like the way she writes about this Melody, and I think Josh has GOT to read it."
So I stopped at every bookstore I came across and a few I went out of my way to go to, that day, but the book had flown off all the shelves. (My sister said that when she went to work a few days later, the nine copies that were on the display table when she bought hers were gone.) It's interesting that a book about Bipolar would fly off the shelves, but that seems to be what happened in all the bookstores around me.
Anyway, I ordered three copies of the book and went home and downloaded it onto my Kindle. It took me about two hours to read it that day, and my sister was right, Josh NEEDED to read this book.
It's written by Hilary Smith and it is a gem of a book. First of all, it covers EVERYTHING about this disorder, and it's important to note that it covers things a young adult would be interested in knowing about, in addition to the more practical things. Basically she says, -Yes, it totally sucks that you have this horrible disorder that has no cure, and you're going to have to manage it the rest of your life, but you get to choose how you let if effect your life. You can fight against it, or you an learn to manage it. You can let it destroy your life, or you can have a great life in spite of it.-
I think if I were Josh's age, this book would be indispensable, but I also think that anyone who is parenting a Bipolar child should read this book. It helps you understand their mindset, the REAL things that are going through their minds at a time like this.
The book is funny and hip, written in a vernacular that would appeal to this age group. A few of the reviews of the book on Amazon mentioned that the book had some curse words, and yes there are a few, even the 'biggies' appear here and there. I cuss like a sailor, so that doesn't bother me, but I could see that it might offend others. This book is valuable enough in its content to be worth getting over that little thing though, if you're inclined to be offended by cussing.
And Hilary doesn't seem to be afraid to mention the word 'crazy', a word many people whose lives are affected by Bipolar tend to tip toe around. The fact of the matter is that Mania? With delusions? Ummmm, call it what you want, but it sure looked crazy to me, and I found it refreshing that she writes about it in the way she does. And because she's Bipolar, she can get away with it.
But mostly, I felt this book would be so empowering to someone in Josh's shoes.
I picked up my three copies the other day and gave one to Josh, then last night I took the other two to the DBSA Support Group Meeting to leave in their Lending Library. Last week during announcements, I mentioned this book and let everyone know that I had ordered two copies for the group.
There are several young people who attend our meetings and I hope that they take the time to read this book because I think it has such a powerful message. The group leader told me that she had downloaded it on her Kindle after I mentioned it last week and that she was looking forward to reading it and having her daughter read it.
I really wanted Josh to read it, but he had been so resistant to even discussing any of this that I wasn't sure how to GET him to read it. I have a long time online friend who has been very supportive since Josh's diagnosis. He suggested that I pay Josh to read it, so that's what I did. At this point Josh has read about half the book. When I gave it to him, he was still deeply in denial, but agreed to read it, but he was also in a slow thinking, foggy place and he's found it hard to process anything; reading being difficult for him.
I know he's gotten a lot out of the book though, because once he started reading it last week, he began asking questions about things he's said in the past that were delusional, etc. His speech became peppered with some of the things Hilary says in the book, and for the FIRST time, he began his sentences with things like, "Since I'm Bipolar" or "Now that I have Bipolar".
That is HUGE, and I really think that even though he hasn't finished the book yet (and not gotten paid!), he's already gotten a lot out of it. I have a feeling that this is a book he will turn to often for years (hopefully when he's considering doing something boneheaded, like going off meds or dropping acid).
One of the things he asked me last week was whether or not he is going to have to change his career plans. He has struggled trying to decide what course of study to follow in college and over the last month or two, he seems to have settled into Psychology.
"Mom, now that I have Bipolar, am I even going to be able to get licensed as a therapist?"
"Gosh honey, I don't know. Let's see if we can find some information about that on the internet."
None of our searches turned up any information, (I SO suck at Google searches!) so I said, "I know! We'll email Peter (Josh's therapist) and ask him."
Peter responded immediately, "Josh can be almost anything he wants to be in the Mental Health field."
So this book has clearly already had an impact on Josh and he hasn't even finished it yet. I have a feeling that I've left a couple of real treasures in the DBSA Lending Library. Treasures that will hopefully have a positive impact on many lives for years to come.
And that my friends makes me feel a gazillion times better, because sometimes, when life hands you something really shitty to deal with, the best thing you can do for yourself, is to reach outside your pain and suffering and offer a hand to someone else.
My sister, who lives out of town, called me early one day last week on her way to work.
"Melody you HAVE to go out today and get this book I'm reading. I noticed it last night on a display table of recently released books (she works part time at Barnes and Nobles) so I bought it and brought it home. I was exhausted last night, but I thought I'd read a few pages before I fell asleep. I couldn't put it down. It's called "Welcome to the Jungle...Everything you ever wanted to know about Bipolar, but were too freaked out to ask." The author was diagnosed at 19 and she's probably in her early twenties now. Anyway, it is written for young adults who are newly diagnosed, it's the book she says she wished someone would have handed her when she was newly diagnosed. I really like the way she writes about this Melody, and I think Josh has GOT to read it."
So I stopped at every bookstore I came across and a few I went out of my way to go to, that day, but the book had flown off all the shelves. (My sister said that when she went to work a few days later, the nine copies that were on the display table when she bought hers were gone.) It's interesting that a book about Bipolar would fly off the shelves, but that seems to be what happened in all the bookstores around me.
Anyway, I ordered three copies of the book and went home and downloaded it onto my Kindle. It took me about two hours to read it that day, and my sister was right, Josh NEEDED to read this book.
It's written by Hilary Smith and it is a gem of a book. First of all, it covers EVERYTHING about this disorder, and it's important to note that it covers things a young adult would be interested in knowing about, in addition to the more practical things. Basically she says, -Yes, it totally sucks that you have this horrible disorder that has no cure, and you're going to have to manage it the rest of your life, but you get to choose how you let if effect your life. You can fight against it, or you an learn to manage it. You can let it destroy your life, or you can have a great life in spite of it.-
I think if I were Josh's age, this book would be indispensable, but I also think that anyone who is parenting a Bipolar child should read this book. It helps you understand their mindset, the REAL things that are going through their minds at a time like this.
The book is funny and hip, written in a vernacular that would appeal to this age group. A few of the reviews of the book on Amazon mentioned that the book had some curse words, and yes there are a few, even the 'biggies' appear here and there. I cuss like a sailor, so that doesn't bother me, but I could see that it might offend others. This book is valuable enough in its content to be worth getting over that little thing though, if you're inclined to be offended by cussing.
And Hilary doesn't seem to be afraid to mention the word 'crazy', a word many people whose lives are affected by Bipolar tend to tip toe around. The fact of the matter is that Mania? With delusions? Ummmm, call it what you want, but it sure looked crazy to me, and I found it refreshing that she writes about it in the way she does. And because she's Bipolar, she can get away with it.
But mostly, I felt this book would be so empowering to someone in Josh's shoes.
I picked up my three copies the other day and gave one to Josh, then last night I took the other two to the DBSA Support Group Meeting to leave in their Lending Library. Last week during announcements, I mentioned this book and let everyone know that I had ordered two copies for the group.
There are several young people who attend our meetings and I hope that they take the time to read this book because I think it has such a powerful message. The group leader told me that she had downloaded it on her Kindle after I mentioned it last week and that she was looking forward to reading it and having her daughter read it.
I really wanted Josh to read it, but he had been so resistant to even discussing any of this that I wasn't sure how to GET him to read it. I have a long time online friend who has been very supportive since Josh's diagnosis. He suggested that I pay Josh to read it, so that's what I did. At this point Josh has read about half the book. When I gave it to him, he was still deeply in denial, but agreed to read it, but he was also in a slow thinking, foggy place and he's found it hard to process anything; reading being difficult for him.
I know he's gotten a lot out of the book though, because once he started reading it last week, he began asking questions about things he's said in the past that were delusional, etc. His speech became peppered with some of the things Hilary says in the book, and for the FIRST time, he began his sentences with things like, "Since I'm Bipolar" or "Now that I have Bipolar".
That is HUGE, and I really think that even though he hasn't finished the book yet (and not gotten paid!), he's already gotten a lot out of it. I have a feeling that this is a book he will turn to often for years (hopefully when he's considering doing something boneheaded, like going off meds or dropping acid).
One of the things he asked me last week was whether or not he is going to have to change his career plans. He has struggled trying to decide what course of study to follow in college and over the last month or two, he seems to have settled into Psychology.
"Mom, now that I have Bipolar, am I even going to be able to get licensed as a therapist?"
"Gosh honey, I don't know. Let's see if we can find some information about that on the internet."
None of our searches turned up any information, (I SO suck at Google searches!) so I said, "I know! We'll email Peter (Josh's therapist) and ask him."
Peter responded immediately, "Josh can be almost anything he wants to be in the Mental Health field."
So this book has clearly already had an impact on Josh and he hasn't even finished it yet. I have a feeling that I've left a couple of real treasures in the DBSA Lending Library. Treasures that will hopefully have a positive impact on many lives for years to come.
And that my friends makes me feel a gazillion times better, because sometimes, when life hands you something really shitty to deal with, the best thing you can do for yourself, is to reach outside your pain and suffering and offer a hand to someone else.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
The Realities of Hospitalization
When Josh became manic, I didn't even know he was manic. I didn't know what manic meant. If I'm being honest I would tell you that I came home and found Josh acting nutso.
Ahem.
Anyway, long story short, off to the Psych Hospital we went, with me encouraging him the entire way that this was the right thing to do.
And he'll probably hold that against me the rest of my life.
It was not a good experience for him, but I've come to realize that Mental Institutions aren't a good experience for anyone.
It seems the goal is to bring em' down or lift em' up, begin a medication and get them out of there in a perfectly timed maneuver that has them walking OUT the door at precisely the moment their insurance stops paying.
Unfortunately, fiscal concerns determine the level of care received, and the hospitals aren't driving the bus, the insurers are.
That's a fact.
A sad fact.
In addition to that, there is very little competition to force better care. We live in a fairly large metropolitan area and I can only think of maybe four Psychiatric Hospitals in a 50 mile radius.
Mental Institutions are pushed up against a wall to make a profit, so things like, oh...communicating with caretakers, falls by the wayside, as does educating caretakers.
Seriously, Josh came home with a prescription and a piece of paper that explained side effects to watch out for and a notation that he had an appointment the next day with some dude. I had no idea what the dude's purpose was, just that Josh was to see him.
I also didn't know what to expect in the coming days. I wasn't prepared for his rages, or disordered thinking. I didn't know what my JOB was.
A simple pamphlet could have alleviated some of the missteps I made over the first days and weeks. A one page sheet of paper could have imparted much needed information.
Because in the end, Josh's best interests were not served by the lack of communication and education I received from the hospital...which was zip.
Another aspect of Hospitalization where mental illness is concerned is that the person in charge of making decisions and asking the right questions (the patient) is temporarily incapacitated mentally! Add to that the fact that historical data about past episodes and behaviors are being collected from someone who thinks he's a messiah put here to spread the truth, and it's pretty evident that THE DOCTORS SHOULD BE TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO ISN'T SUFFERING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN!
Even though Josh had signed a release so the doctors could talk to me, even though I left messages asking the doctors to call me, they didn't.
Because time is money.
So basically, they can prescribe whatever they want cause they know the patient isn't capable of any input into the decision.
Josh NEVER wants to go to the hospital again, and I don't want him to EVER have to go to the hospital again, but when you're in a state of mania, your options become limited.
It's just possible that if hospitals were able to provide the necessary level of care, communication and education that this Disorder requires, then repeated hospitalizations may not be needed, thus saving insurance companies money in the long run.
If a patient could stay in the hospital long enough to become stable, go on a medication that a loved one helped choose after discussing side effects, lifestyles and past behaviors, and then went home with a caregiver who knew what the hell was going on, the cycle of non-compliance could be shortened.
I'm just sayin'
Ahem.
Anyway, long story short, off to the Psych Hospital we went, with me encouraging him the entire way that this was the right thing to do.
And he'll probably hold that against me the rest of my life.
It was not a good experience for him, but I've come to realize that Mental Institutions aren't a good experience for anyone.
It seems the goal is to bring em' down or lift em' up, begin a medication and get them out of there in a perfectly timed maneuver that has them walking OUT the door at precisely the moment their insurance stops paying.
Unfortunately, fiscal concerns determine the level of care received, and the hospitals aren't driving the bus, the insurers are.
That's a fact.
A sad fact.
In addition to that, there is very little competition to force better care. We live in a fairly large metropolitan area and I can only think of maybe four Psychiatric Hospitals in a 50 mile radius.
Mental Institutions are pushed up against a wall to make a profit, so things like, oh...communicating with caretakers, falls by the wayside, as does educating caretakers.
Seriously, Josh came home with a prescription and a piece of paper that explained side effects to watch out for and a notation that he had an appointment the next day with some dude. I had no idea what the dude's purpose was, just that Josh was to see him.
I also didn't know what to expect in the coming days. I wasn't prepared for his rages, or disordered thinking. I didn't know what my JOB was.
A simple pamphlet could have alleviated some of the missteps I made over the first days and weeks. A one page sheet of paper could have imparted much needed information.
Because in the end, Josh's best interests were not served by the lack of communication and education I received from the hospital...which was zip.
Another aspect of Hospitalization where mental illness is concerned is that the person in charge of making decisions and asking the right questions (the patient) is temporarily incapacitated mentally! Add to that the fact that historical data about past episodes and behaviors are being collected from someone who thinks he's a messiah put here to spread the truth, and it's pretty evident that THE DOCTORS SHOULD BE TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO ISN'T SUFFERING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN!
Even though Josh had signed a release so the doctors could talk to me, even though I left messages asking the doctors to call me, they didn't.
Because time is money.
So basically, they can prescribe whatever they want cause they know the patient isn't capable of any input into the decision.
Josh NEVER wants to go to the hospital again, and I don't want him to EVER have to go to the hospital again, but when you're in a state of mania, your options become limited.
It's just possible that if hospitals were able to provide the necessary level of care, communication and education that this Disorder requires, then repeated hospitalizations may not be needed, thus saving insurance companies money in the long run.
If a patient could stay in the hospital long enough to become stable, go on a medication that a loved one helped choose after discussing side effects, lifestyles and past behaviors, and then went home with a caregiver who knew what the hell was going on, the cycle of non-compliance could be shortened.
I'm just sayin'
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